The only thing that got me through the first half of the year was knowing that I was going to be spending mid Sep to mid Dec on a charity expedition in Malaysian Borneo with Raleigh. I had worked hard to get on the programme and I was very, very excited about it and what I could get out of it. Not only would it physically remove me from the problems back home but it would give me time to focus on me and sort through some of the clutter in my head.
By about July it was very clear to me that when I returned from Borneo I wouldn’t be able to continue in my current job, the situation had become untenable and most importantly I was bored and needed a new big challenge and dramatic change of lifestyle. Fate clearly decided that I was right and helped me out big time by securing me a new job (only 2 weeks before I flew out to Borneo) on the sunny southern Cyprus coastline that would be ready and waiting for me to start in Jan 09.
So September finally came and I spent 17 long hours travelling to Borneo and had my first big adventure in life. I met some amazing people who will hopefully be in my life forever, saw amazing things like villages and communities, the mountains, the jungle, the most stunning beaches in the world and monkeys in the wild. And I did amazing things like trekked through and slept in the jungle in hammocks (even got my very own jungle injury), swam in rivers, got attacked by hundreds of mosquitoes at once and managed to avoid Dengue Fever, sang karaoke for the first time and got to genuinely help people and make a difference to some lives. It was very cool indeed.
What was most amazing about it was how it changed me and challenged me in the ways I didn’t expect. Dealing with difficult and changing group dynamics, living with and dealing with other peoples deep seated issues and dramas that affected the whole house, coping with my own crap health issues and trying to get on with people that, quite frankly, I just didn’t like. The most unexpected and challenging thing for me was having the character traits I don’t like abut myself mirrored back at me by other people. This was VERY unnerving and caused me to do a lot of soul searching. I had no option but to accept that I had some of these traits that were just awful to witness in other people and was determined to cast these aside and start again when I got to Cyprus. I was determined to get back to the old me of my early to mid twenties that I used to like, that used to not let life affect her so much.
Obviously I know I will never be the same as my early twenties, every experience I have had since then has left it’s mark but my aim now is to not let it scar me too deeply and to get everything out of life that I want and, God damn it, that I deserve. I didn’t leave Borneo with everything being magically fixed, that’s a work in progress (I actually left still a physical and emotional mess); but I left knowing what needed to change, and that’s what was most important. That and a handful of really, really good friends.
So this is why I’m a blogger now, so I can record what I wanted to happen and change and remind myself of that when times get tough (which they surely will) and just get down in writing how I am feeling about certain things, events and issues. I’m in Cyprus now, am getting to grips with my new job (which is exactly the challenge I need), my new lifestyle (which still needs some tweaking) and new mindset (which is pretty good at the moment). I have started to make friends, I have got a cat (a grey and white cutie called Ally) and I like the people I work with (which is a relief), so, so far so good. Now is the time to put the changes into practice, the scary bit.
Wish me luck
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